I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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