ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
