So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
