I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
