he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize