We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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