Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
