Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
