At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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