Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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