Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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