gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
