I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
