3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
