a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
