I wish my penis had an off switch
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
