hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Randomize
