I'm drive I can fine osifer
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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