Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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