i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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