he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize