Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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