Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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