bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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