you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
