I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
