Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize