hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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