Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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