she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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