Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
