Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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