Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Randomize
