i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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