I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize