....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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