I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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