Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
