I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
