Yo dont text me then not text me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
