well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
