I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
