True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
