i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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