we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
