ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
