I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
