dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
