how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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