I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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