Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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