Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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