if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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