it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
