I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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