i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
