all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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