I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
