i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
