I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
