rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
