before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
