Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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