We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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