Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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