she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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