so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
