My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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