he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize