The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
