margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
