I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize