i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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