Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
