I got chris browned last night
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
