All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
