Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
