i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
