It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
