I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Boobs are out for the taking
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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