just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
