new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
