We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
