I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
