How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize