Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
did i just pee glitter
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