Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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