You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
