Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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