Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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