So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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