on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
