Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
