she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
