Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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