if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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