Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
