Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize