Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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