sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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