She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
