dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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