he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
