Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
