This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
